Defixiones
by RemyTheReaper
Summary: Sometimes, stories in Latin Textbooks can be amusing. Especially when you take out the real characters and insert the characters from House. Chase is unlucky, Cuddy lacks prudence, and Foreman dresses up as a girl with a beard? Eventual Chameron.
1. Cameron

**A/N: Okay this fic definetly needs some explanation lol. Today I was sitting in study, thinking about doing my latin homework when I realized that all the story translations in my textbook are like epically amusing. So then, instead of doing the assigned homework I started translating a story I did awhile ago, and putting in the characters of House. This fic is the result of that. I have change only the names and some of the words so that it makes sense with House (because House isn't a Roman soldier, and Cuddy isn't Thirteen and Cameron's dad) So if some of the sentences seem very stiff that's why. There are 5 parts total to the story and it sometimes changes format halfway through a chapter, but don't worry, the transitions are really smooth. On that note, here's the first chapter…**

Cameron and Thirteen, washing dirty syringes in the hospital's lab, were chatting. These girls were the employees of Cuddy. Cuddy, who ran the hospital, was a woman of great diligence but little prudence. Cuddy, having entered the lab, scolded the girls.

"There are many dirty syringes. I order you to wash them as quickly as possible. Work! Do not chat! You are more talkative than a parrot."

Cuddy, having spoken these words, left.

However Cameron, who was a stubborn girl, did not give a hoot about her boss. She did not wash the syringes, but showed Thirteen a stethoscope. Thirteen eagerly looked at the stethoscope, which her colleague was holding.

Thirteen: How beautiful, how pretty is this stethoscope my Cameron! I want to look at it. Who gave it to you? Surely it is made of silver?

Cameron: Obviously it is made of silver. House, a diagnostic doctor, gave it to me.

Thirteen: What sort of man is this doctor? Is he a lying man like the rest of the diagnostic doctors? Many doctors pretend to be sick, because they do not want to deal with their patients.

Cameron: No! He is a man of great knowledge. He once diagnosed three thousand patients. He is the doctor to the Dean of Medicine herself.

Thirteen: He is another Galen! But I often hear stories such as this from the other doctors.

Cameron: The other doctors are liars, House is honest. House came here sick. House, having entered the courtyard area, drank the sacred water from the fountain. House, having prayed to the god Princeton, was better at once.

Thirteen: I would dare not disagree. So how did you meet this wonderful doctor?

Cameron: As soon as House entered our hospital, I was in love at once. How big were his muscles! How big were his arms!

Thirteen: Fortune favors you, my Cameron. But what about Chase, whom you said you loved some time ago. It is dangerous for you to reject Chase, because he understands surgical things.

Cameron: I do not want to talk about that pest! Chase, having spoken often about marriage, never carried out anything. But House, who is brave and bold, is able to look after me. House is now my heart-throb

**A/N: Yay! Lol, so please review and in the next Chapter House and Wilson talk about Cameron on their way to the hospital :P Then later Foreman dresses up as a girl. But that's only going to happen if you review! So yeah, please review lol.**

**-Remy**


	2. House

**A/N: So it turns out some of you have actually read the Cambridge Latin Course stories lol. So, yes, this is based off the Vilbia story arc lol. This chapter is entirely in script format so everything in these little [things] is stage direction and umm…here it is!**

[House and Wilson are walking to the hospital of Cuddy. Wilson, although he is House's friend, is mocking him]

House: Where are you Wilson? I order you to stand near me.

Wilson: I am here. By Hercules! How fortunate I am! I am to stand by a man of your courage. For you are stronger than Mars himself.

House: You speak the truth. I once diagnosed three thousand patients.

Wilson: and all the girls love you, because you are strong and handsome. That Cameron, having caught sight of you yesterday, was in love at once.

House: What did she say?

Wilson: She eagerly asked me, "Is that Hercules?"

I responded, "No, it is his brother" then the stethoscope, which another girl gave you, I handed over to Cameron.

"House, a doctor of great skill gives you this stethoscope for free" I said. Cameron, having received the stethoscope, replied to me,

"How handsome is House! How generous! I want to have a chat with him"

House: Oh dear! Surely this girl is troublesome? It is difficult for me to avoid girls. I am too handsome

Wilson: Look! We have arrived at the hospital of Cuddy. Perhaps inside is Cameron, who adores you like a god.

[They enter the hospital]

**A/N: Yay! Lol. Sorry it was so short, blame the book, not me. Please review to find out what happens next lol.**

**-Remy**


	3. Love Conquers All: Scene one

**A/N: Sorry for the delay on this, I haven't had much time recently X_X**

[Chase and his friend are in the hospital of Cuddy, during a charity fundraiser. They are drinking wine and playing dice. Chase owes his friend much money.]

Foreman (The friend of Chase): How unlucky are you! Not only did you lose the girl, but money too.

Chase: I do not give a hoot about the money, but the girl, whom I love very much, I do not want to lose.

Foreman: How are you going to keep her? A diagnostic doctor, a man of great courage, seeks her. Hey! I threw a Venus! Server! I order you to bring me more wine.

Chase: The evil doctor is a deceitful, stupid, liar. Cameron, who he is deceiving to, now rejects me. I often warned her, do not trust a doctor, especially a diagnostician. Cameron however, as soon as she caught sight of House here, was in love at once.

Foreman: It is not safe for girls to go through the halls of this hospital, because they area so great with arrogant doctors. By Hercules! You are very unlucky. You threw a dog again. You owe me a lot of money.

Chase: I will gladly give up the money, but not the girl. I hate that doctor. House however, is not able to keep the girl, because I asked for the help of the god. I threw a patient file into the sacred fountain. I wrote a dreadful curse on the patient file, then threw it into the God's fountain. (House and Wilson enter) I am happily awaiting House's death. Nothing can stop me.

Foreman: By Hercules! You are unlucky. Look! Now House himself is approaching us. It is necessary for me to go out as quickly as possible. (he exits running)

**A/N: Poor Chase :( Please review and I'll try to update soon!  
**


	4. Love Conquers All: Scene two

**A/N: Umm… I guess I don't have anything to say lol. Here's the next chapter…**

[House angrily curses Chase, because he has heard his words]

House: What do you say, little surgeon? You await my death? Ass! You are in great danger, because you cursed a diagnostic doctor. Wilson! I order you to lecture this surgeon! Then throw him out of this hospital!

[Wilson unwillingly begins to lecture Chase. Chase, defending himself bravely, pours wine onto Wilson's head. House, as soon as Chase turns his back, punches him fiercely. Chase falls down unconscious. Cameron, who heard the uproar, enters. Having entered, she sees Chase lying on the ground and begins to soothe House.]

Cameron: Stop, my House. That Chase, whom you beat, is not able to annoy me again. You are a doctor, and he a ridiculous surgeon. I want you to be merciful and spare Chase. Does it please you?

House: It pleases me. It is proper for the winner to spare the conquered. You do not have to look for that.

Cameron: Oh House, why did you choose me out of all the girls? How happy I am!

House: it is necessary for us to meet by a secret place at night.

Cameron: I would not dare do it. My boss does not want me to leave before I complete my clinic hours. Where is this place?

House: It is near the fountain of the god Princeton. Surely I am able to persuade you?

Cameron: It is difficult for me to ignore my boss's orders, but I cannot resist you.

House: Give me a kiss.

Cameron: Oh dear! Oh my heart-throb! It is necessary for me to return to the lab, I will wait for you tonight.

[They go out. Chase, who heard a large part of this conversation, gets up. Having gone out as quickly as possible, he seeks out Foreman, to whom he proposes a clever plan]

**A/N: Dun, dun, duuun!!! What will Chase do to win Cameron back!? Find out next time in…DEFIXIONES!!! And please review.**

**-Remy**


	5. Love Conquers All: Scene three

**A/N: Okay, so I decided to just finish this up so I can work on my other stories. So here's the last chapter…**

[Chase and Foreman enter the courtyard through the silence of the night. They hide themselves near the sacred fountain. Chase shows Foreman the dress and lab coat, which he brought.]

Chase: Foreman, I want you to put on these clothes. I want you to play the part of Cameron. It is necessary for us to deceive House, who will wait for her in a short time.

Foreman: Ugh! It is not right for a man to wear a dress. Besides, I'm black.

Chase: It is of very little importance, because we are in the darkness. Surely I am able to persuade you? Look! I'll give you ten dollars. Now be quiet! Put on the dress and coat! Stand near the fountain of the God Princeton. When House approaches the fountain, say sweet words to him!

[Foreman, after reluctantly putting on the dress, stands near the fountain. House, having entered the courtyard alone, approaches the fountain.]

House: Cameron, my Cameron! House, the brave diagnostic doctor, is here.

Foreman: Oh my darling! Come to me.

House: How harsh is your voice! Surely you were not crying because I arrived late?

Foreman: This is true! I was so worried.

House: I can dry your tears. [House arrives at Foreman] Immortal God! Cameron! You're black? What happened to you? Oh!

[Then Chase throws House into the fountain. Cameron, having entered the courtyard, where she listens to the uproar, remains terrified near the door.]

House: I am dying! I am dying! Spare me! Spare me!

Chase: Scoundrel! My Cameron, whom I love very much, you dared to steal? Now it is easy for me to kill you.

House: I do not want you to kill me! I will give you back Cameron! I do not want to take her away from you! I do not love Cameron.

[Cameron, as soon as she hears this, angrily approaches the fountain. She begins to curse House]

Cameron: You do not love me? Oh you cowardly man! I myself want to kill you!

Chase: My Cameron, it is proper for the winner to spare the conquered.

Cameron: My Chase, darling of mine, I am miserable! I made a big mistake.

Chase: Do not cry! I am able to look after you.

Cameron: Oh Chase! Oh my heartthrob!

[Chase and Cameron go home. Foreman takes off the dress and lab coat. He happily counts his money. House pulls himself out of the fountain and goes away, soaked through.]

THE END

**A/N: Yay! Lol, so yeah, that's it :P The whole Foreman being black thing was because in the book the character "Gutta" which is Foreman's character, has like a full beard and everything and so Modestus, (House) freaks because he thinks Vilbia (Cameron) has grown a beard LOL. Well, please review, and yeah, thanks to everyone who followed the story!**

**-Remy**


End file.
